Killing your personality

Your personality is a lie. A composite of survival strategies, other people's opinions, and cultural baggage. And it's quietly suffocating the real you.

Personality isn’t fixed, it’s just tinted mirrors stacked on top of you.

In the process of peeling that back, I uncovered a bigger truth: when you see and project into the world without the tint, it unlocks your second life.

Today, I’ll break down the three layers of mirrors that shape your personality, how to untint them, and how to know with absolute clarity whether it’s time to change paths in life.

And at the end, I’ll give you a framework you can start using today.

The Thesis:

You’re not introverted. You’re not extroverted. You’re not shy, confident, or whatever box you think you’re in.

Those are just mirrors stacked on you.

None of them are you.

I know because I spent the last two years peeling back my own personality, layer by layer, trying to understand what actually makes us “us.”, I found something..uncomfortable: almost everything we believe about our personalities is wrong.

They aren’t fixed traits. They’re distortions. Reflections created by society’s expectations, other people’s projections, and childhood conditioning. All stacked against us.

And when you mistake those reflections for your identity, you don’t just get stuck… you end up living a life you never chose.

But here’s the part nobody expects: your personality isn’t the only thing on the line.
When the mirrors dissolve, something much bigger shifts, and most people never get to experience it. We’ll get to that in a second. For now, let´s break down the three mirrors.

The Mirrors

1. Childhood Mirror – The First Tint

What survival rule are you still following? (Be quiet? Don't cause trouble? Earn your keep?).

This is the raw glass before anything else touches it.

• Parents, caretakers, early experiences.

• If you were praised only when quiet, you learned to stay quiet. If you were punished for speaking up, you learned silence equals safety.

• These are survival patterns. They stick because they kept you alive.

This mirror sets the first color filter. Everything after is seen through it.

2. Society’s Mirror – The Collective Tint

What role are you performing that you never actually chose?

• Society doesn’t ask who you are, it tells you who to be.

• “Boys don’t cry.” “Girls must be nice.” “Success means money, grades, status.”

• You learn to perform the roles handed to you, even when they don’t fit.

This adds a second layer of tint: external rules glued onto your survival patterns.

3. Projection Mirror – The Feedback Loop

What label have you accepted from someone else that was really just their own shit reflected back?

Finally, the world reflects back what it thinks it sees.

• People react to you, but it’s never really about you. It’s their own insecurities and desires bouncing back.

• Example: When I was younger, I thought confident people were arrogant. That wasn’t about them.. it was my own insecurity reflected back at me.

• Over time, you internalize those reflections, and they become part of your identity.

This last mirror traps you. You start believing other people’s projections are your truth.

Combined Distortions → How You See Life

Stack them together and you don’t just tint reality..you warp it.

Your “personality” isn’t who you are. It’s the survival patterns of your childhood, the rules of society, and the projections of others, all layered into a mask.

It feels solid. Fixed. Like you.

But it’s not.

And this is why even entrepreneurs who build seven- or or even eight-figure businesses can wake up one day and realize they feel trapped by the very life they built.

Here’s the hidden cost: when you mistake those distortions for your identity, you don’t just feel stuck: you live a life that was never really yours.

You end up building a life that looks good on the outside but feels wrong on the inside. You play roles you never auditioned for. You chase wins that don’t even feel like wins.

This makes you live a life you never chose.

This is why you can wake up one day, having built a successful business, and still feel like you failed. Or sit in a high-paying job, with the title and salary you once dreamed of, and still feel like you{re living someone else's script.

The Story

I was talking to this entrepreneur in her 60s. All around bad-ass Multi–eight-figure business owner. On paper? She won the game.

At one point, I just asked her straight:
“Do you see yourself doing this forever, or would you sell?”

She didn’t answer right away. Then she said, “Well… I’ve been thinking about selling.”

This was revealing. If it’s your life’s work, you don’t think about selling. The moment you consider it, deep down you know: this isn’t it.

I asked a second question to go a little further:
“When you’re not working, do you feel guilty?”

She kind of laughed, but it was the uncomfortable laugh. Then: “Yes.”

And I knew exactly what that meant..because I’ve been there.

That guilt wasn’t about the business. It started way earlier. Childhood mirror stuff.

Because when you’re taught (explicitly or implicitly) that your value comes from what you do, not who you are, something snaps into place. Rest feels like failure. Stillness feels unsafe. The only way to prove you deserve to exist is to keep moving, keep producing, keep winning.

That wiring doesn’t go away when you grow up. It hardens into identity. Suddenly “I’m ambitious,” “I’m a grinder,” “I’m unstoppable”. None of that is actually you. It’s just the survival rule, polished into personality.

So decades later, you’re sitting at the head of a multimillion-dollar company, and the moment you pause, the guilt hits. Not because you love the game too much to stop. But because not working feels like disappearing.

And that’s what creates the quiet crisis. Whether you’re running a company or climbing the corporate ladder.

It’s not just indecision. It’s also an identity lock: The old survival wiring says: keep running, keep producing, keep proving. The deeper self whispers: stop, reset, realign.

The longer you ignore that voice, the more expensive the misalignment becomes, in time, in health, in relationships, in joy.

You think you’re deciding whether to sell, pivot, or keep going. But the real tug-of-war is this: your deeper self wants out, your current identity wants in. One is tired of running, the other can’t imagine stopping.

That tension breeds doubt. Indecision. The sense that something’s “off” but you can’t name it.

And that’s the signal. That’s when you know it’s time to strip off the mirrors and step into raw consciousness, because only from there can you see clearly whether this is your life’s work, or just the mask you’ve been wearing.

From that place, the doubt evaporates. The guilt dissolves. And whatever choice you make (to double down, to pivot, to walk away) comes from utter clarity. A clarity your full body agrees with.

That’s the difference between forcing your way forward… and finally moving in alignment.

The Shift into Raw Consciousness

The way out isn’t smashing each mirror one by one.

It’s stepping into raw consciousness. Raw consciousness untints all mirrors simultaneously:

Most mirrors aren’t neutral. They’re designed to distort.

Walk into certain gyms or H&M dressing rooms, the mirrors are tilted, stretched, lit in ways that make you look slimmer, taller, more flattering.

They don’t show reality; they show a version engineered to keep you hooked.

That’s what your personality has been doing. Childhood, society, projections..They’ve all been bending the glass. They don’t just tint it, they warp it. You mistake the flattering (or punishing) distortion for truth.

Raw consciousness is the opposite. It’s the anti-filter. The clear mirror.

You gain:

• Clarity of sight: You stop mistaking distortions for reality. You finally see what’s actually in front of you, without the flattering angles or the punishing shadows.

• Clarity of projection: You stop sending out a warped version of yourself. What reflects back is true alignment: the people and opportunities that fit the real you, not the mask.

Once you gain that clarity, you no longer run from something. You run towards meaning. This is when your second life begins.

The guilt of not “working” disappears.

You attract the tribe, opportunities, and environments that resonate with your clear projection.

Work stops feeling like work; it becomes alignment.

Clarity isn’t abstract. It’s something you can practice. Here’s a framework I teach that you can apply today to start untinting your mirrors.

The Clear Mirror Framework

Step 1. The Full Body Yes Test

Ask yourself: “Could I do this exact thing until the day I die, and still feel alive doing it?”
If your whole body doesn’t scream yes, it’s a no. Anything less is a tinted reflection, not truth.

Step 2. The Origin Audit

Look back at why you built what you built.

Was it to run toward something meaningful? Or to run away from fear, insecurity, or not feeling enough? Most first businesses are survival patterns dressed up as ambition.

Naming this untints the childhood and society mirrors.

Step 3. The 10 Mirror Questions

The way out isn't smashing each mirror one by one. It's stepping into raw consciousness. The following questions are designed to short-circuit your conditioned thinking and reflect back the truth you've been avoiding.

Answer them not with your mind, but with your body. The first answer that surfaces is usually the right one.

Ask yourself one at a time. Don’t rush the answers. The goal isn't to be clever, but to seek nuclear honesty.

1. When you think back to your happiest moments, were they more about what you were doing or who you were being in that moment?

2. When you overthink, what’s the one recurring theme underneath most of those thoughts?

3. If rejection and abandonment were impossible, what would you stop doing immediately, and what would you finally allow yourself to do?

4. Imagine your most authentic, free self. What does that version of you do differently in relationships than you do today?

5. At 90 years old, which would weigh heavier: not being fully open about what you wanted or holding back to keep the peace?

6. If you stripped away every role you’ve ever played (partner, friend, sibling, child, professional) and had to describe yourself in just three words, what would they be?

7. When do you feel most alive ? When your mind is lit up with ideas, or when your body is fully engaged (sex, nature, movement, physical challenge)?

8. If you had to choose, would you rather be remembered as someone who thought brilliantly or someone who loved ferociously?

9. Imagine two futures: one where you’re famous for your work but die emotionally alone, and one where you’re unknown publicly but surrounded by people who deeply love you. Which feels like a win?

10. If every trace of your past disappeared (achievements, mistakes, reputation) what’s the very first thing you’d build your new life around?

These questions aren't designed to give you easy answers. They're designed to break the mirrors.

If you’ve started this work and feel the ground shifting beneath you..that unsettling clarity where the old life no longer fits but the new one isn't clear yet, you don't have to navigate it alone.

I offer private, direct guidance for architects of their second life. If you're ready to move from insight to alignment, you can learn more about working with me here.

Otherwise, sit with these questions. Return to them. Let them work.

This newsletter is part of The Death of You Series.

You were born once without choice. That version of you was built by default (parents, school, culture, trauma). The Death of You is about killing that version and architecting the one you actually choose.

Should you want to read the previous episodes, here they are:

Episode 1: Killing the 7-day Week

Episode 2: Killing Linear Time

Until next time,

Benoit.

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